Mi$$MonaMayhem

Yet i find myself here once again. In the dark and alone with nothing to offer and give and with the past showing my gifts I have now departed from. I do not know why I do this to myself but I do know that I am no longer scared of this state of mind. Fear,it burns and the angst is hard to swallow but never scare. I have survived the worst and that is comfort.

the warm is no comfort to me.
i am quite tired my dear and you will have to pardon me while i attend the regrets i spent most of my life not answering.
this is all practice,i keep telling myself.
this will lead nowhere special;the journey is what matters & what i learn along the way doesn't mean anything so i write it all down to see before i wither & die.

my children won't read it.nor my grandchildren or any common folk after that.
if i learn nothing from this,i have learned nothing at all.
& if by that will may it be that i shall leave a better man.

the concept that admire to my head have left me drained and restless to slumber
i ask nothing of you & hope the same in return.
we have a lane,a place of our own,a rope to climb our own.noone has said we must take or face it,but it is wise if you do.

this is me,i have learned more and more with each rising of the sun and each fall of the moon.some things make my heart beat fast and some make it lack.

i am i and, you are you,and if by chance we meet,it is therfore beautiful.

the begining:you are born from your mothers womb.
you learn to walk,you learn to talk,you learn to have thoughts.
you learn.

you gain aspecct on this world around you and you make your own notes & you describe the details in your head.
you learn to love,you learn to hate & one of the two will take the other one over.

you breakdown & at your own pace you build yourself up.

& hopefully when your through with all that,you make peace with yourself.
you learn the subtle diffrence between holding a hand and chaning a soul.

you learn you learn & then some.

I don't like the country. Creeps me out. In the country, dead bodies live in swamps, and ditches, and shallow graves. A man dumps the body of a girl in a ditch. The body rotts; Melts into slime. Flowers pop up where the body lies, seeds fly out of the flowers, and a bee sucks the flowers and makes honey. And then the family of the girl buys the honey from the store. And the family eats the girl

wow dear friend i have not written in you for a while.
well where to begin? im going to be a SENIORRR!! yee :D
things to do,people to see? haha

things arre changing at rapid speeds & im just trying to catch upp,gotta keep all the homies close thouggh thats my main goal & there will be no changing of that.excited? veryyy.ready? hell no but i think thats what makes ait all that more exciting :)

insanity is defined as repeating the same action over and over again and expecting diffrent results.

i must be fuckin' crazy then.

everyones advice isn't really advice anymore,and i wis i could tell what there really thinking,what i should be thinking.

but life isn't that way anymore,i won't lie and say that things you say and do won't effect me,if it's not bullshit at least.

im not the greatest at making good decisions but im better than most.

how do you know what's real and not real when the whole world is inside your head?
-The Tracey Fragements

okay you know how bands like fallout boy and such have songs named after something that has nothing to do with the song at all?well i think they mean something,maybe not in the song but the song title means something to them.so i thought that if i were in a band and i had to make the names i'd be very good at it.here are some examples.(and yess they all do mean something)

1)the night doesn't end at midnight
2)brunnetes make blondes look like shit
3)spectum piercings arn't  piercings
4)pink walls turn coral
5)the AC broke in december
6)the reality in california isn't reality
7)clowns arn't funny
8)if he leaves with his pride he leaves alive
9)dreaming is decieving
10)let's fall asleep awake tonight
11)sober fun is no fun
12)it doesn't matter how she said it
13)you look patheic when you cry
14)my story wasn't about you
15)she's got it figured out
16)maybe im the liar for telling the truth

I am colorblind. Coffee black and egg white. Pull me out from inside. I am ready. I am taffy stuck and tongue tied. Stutter shook and uptight. Pull me out from inside. I am ready. I am fine. I am covered in skin. No one gets to come in. Pull me out from inside. I am folded and unfolded and unfolding. I am colorblind. Coffee black and egg white. Pull me out from inside. I am ready.
I am fine.

-off my bestfriends myspace page.
(it touched me)

shaking hands,murmering lip
i have no control,i can feel this.

deep sighs,pacd walks
is it coming to this?

things thrown,things said
im alone in this house
im alone in my head.
5/15/09